GotKegs.com

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, [...]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young [...]

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks “How will I recognize him?” “That’s easy, he’s a midget with a speech impediment.” So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female [...]

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. [...]

Ever wonder about people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here is a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%? If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M [...]

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. [...]

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy? “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an [...]

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one – “Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” she asked. “Just a minute, I have to go piss,” was his [...]

A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it. He took it to the counter. “How much for the bronze rat?” “Twelve [...]

Female Prayer: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who’s not a creep, One who’s handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who’ll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he’s gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won’t be [...]