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Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey Leads the pack. “Dopey, my son,” says the Pope, “what can I do for you?” Dopey asks, “Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?” [...]

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, “I want to open a damn checking account.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up. Damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!”

A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.
The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000,
or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.”

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together [...]

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the [...]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
“My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.” The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind [...]

10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

A History Lesson. An Evolutionary History of the world…?
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and then would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the [...]