There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
Archive for July, 2006
A man and his wife! were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.” Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Continue reading ‘The Silent Treatment’
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
Continue reading ‘The Silence’
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own so does she.
Continue reading ‘Cigarettes and Tampons’
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.” He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?
Continue reading ‘Marriage Seminar’
I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider!
Continue reading ‘Understanding Women’
“Cash, check, or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
Continue reading ‘Womans Revenge’
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton!
Continue reading ‘Womans Perfect Breakfast’
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain . “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”
Continue reading ‘Creation of Man and Woman’
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man Elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces. These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
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