A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, It contained a note from HIM: “I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!
A little girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’
The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.’
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’
The mother answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.’
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Dear Abby,
I am a 60-year-old woman who is married to a man who acts like he hates me.
In public, he pretends he loves me and talks about how wonderful I am. But
in private, he shakes his finger in my face and calls me the ‘B’ word. He
constantly tells me how ugly I am without make-up. I’ve tried everything,
including a face-lift, botox treatments, and a chin tuck. I even went on a
diet and lost 20 pounds.
He quit his job a few years ago after having an affair with a woman in his
office. He hasn’t even looked for another job. We haven’t slept together
since I confronted him about the affair. He denied it, of course, but
everybody knew it. It was humiliating. I believe he is still messing around.
While we both want to sell this house, we argue constantly about when to put
it on the market.
The house we want will be available in a few months. My husband wants to put
our house on the market now. I think we should wait a while. He has already
started collecting boxes and packing up his stuff.
Do you think he is planning to leave me?
Signed,
Worried in NY
Dear Worried in NY:
I doubt it. He wants to move back into the White House as much as you do.
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