1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, ?If I died, would you get another dog??
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
Now before you just get all lazy do a little bit of thinking ….
OK Here we go….
10 Little Piggies
Two Calves
One Ass
An Unknown number of Hares
And of course one Kitty
The black Lab asked “So, what are you here for?”
The brown Lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything… the
Sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night
When I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
Continue reading ‘Three Labs in the Vets Office’
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “OK old fart, time for you to retire.”
The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.
Continue reading ‘Rooster Rivalry’
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks “How will I recognize him?”
“That’s easy, he’s a midget with a speech impediment.”
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse. “A female horth?” So he shows him a prized filly. “Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?” So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over. “Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?” So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears. “Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?” The rancher is gettin’ pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth. “Nith mouf, can I see her twat” Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
“Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?”
Continue reading ‘Horse for sale…’
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your fucking cat.”
Continue reading ‘A Goldfish Funeral’
I’ve got a dog named ‘Syndrome’. So every time he attacks the postman I shout at it, “Down Syndrome!”
Continue reading ‘My Dog Syndrome’
Latest Comments
RSS