GotKegs.com » Animal Jokes

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

admin — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:10:40 +0000

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, ?If I died, would you get another dog??
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

How Many Animals Can You Fit Into A Pair Of Pantyhose?

admin — Fri, 16 May 2008 20:47:04 +0000

Now before you just get all lazy do a little bit of thinking ….

OK Here we go….

10 Little Piggies

Two Calves

One Ass

An Unknown number of Hares

And of course one Kitty

Three Labs in the Vets Office

admin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

The black Lab asked “So, what are you here for?”

The brown Lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything… the
Sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night
When I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”

The black Lab said, “So what is the vet going to do?”

“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the brown Lab. “They
Reckon it’ll calm me down.”

The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, “Why are you Here?”

The yellow Lab said, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
Flowers and trees, I dig just for the Hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up
The carpets but I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole
in my owner’s couch.”

“So what are they going to do to you?” the black Lab inquired.

“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too”, the dejected yellow Lab said.

The yellow lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, “Why are you Here?”

I’m a humper,” the black Lab said. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump
The cat, a pillow, the table, and fence posts, whatever. I want to hump
Everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and
Was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped
On her back and started humping away”.

The yellow and brown Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, “So, nuts
off for you too, huh?”

The black Lab said… “No, I’m here to get my nails clipped.”

Rooster Rivalry

admin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “OK old fart, time for you to retire.”

The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.

Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two hens over in the corner?”

The young rooster says, “Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over..”

The old rooster says, “I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.”

The young rooster laughs. “You know you don’t stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.”

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and – BOOM – he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, “Darn…..third gay rooster I bought this month.”

Moral of this story? ..
Don’t mess with us OLD FARTS – age, skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!

Horse for sale…

admin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy, he’s a midget with a speech impediment.”

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse. “A female horth?” So he shows him a prized filly. “Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?” So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over. “Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?” So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears. “Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?” The rancher is gettin’ pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth. “Nith mouf, can I see her twat” Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

“Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?”

A Goldfish Funeral

admin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your fucking cat.”

My Dog Syndrome

admin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve got a dog named ‘Syndrome’. So every time he attacks the postman I shout at it, “Down Syndrome!”