Archive for the 'Dirty Jokes' Category

Oral Sex Coma Treatment

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her.  They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, “Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.”

The husband was skeptical, but they assured that they’d close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room. After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined; no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses ran into the room. “What happened?” they cried.  The husband said, “I guess she choked.”

The Bad Motorcycle Seal

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. “No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word,” She tells him,” Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY. I’LL DO THE DISHES!!”

Use More Soap

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”

She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”

The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, It contained a note from HIM: “I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!

Gay Day at the Zoo

Two gay guys are walking through a zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men just can’t bear it any longer and reaches into the cage to touch it.

The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by…

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The Painting

A couple attending an art exhibition at the Kentucky Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black weinees, but the one in the middle had a pink weinee.

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Poor Superman

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action. “Hey Batman! Who’s good in the sack?” “Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comicland. Why don’t you try her?” replied Batman.

“I’d love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don’t really want to take advantage of her.” “Damn shame,” said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off. Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern patching up a building. He flew down.

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The Photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and therefore decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.”
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