The husband was skeptical, but they assured that they’d close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room. After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined; no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses ran into the room. “What happened?” they cried.  The husband said, “I guess she choked.”

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY. I’LL DO THE DISHES!!”

She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”

The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, It contained a note from HIM: “I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!

The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by…

When he’s done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital. A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, “Are You Hurt?”

“AM I HURT?” he shouts, “Wouldn’t you be? He hasn’t called… he hasn’t written…”

The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black weinees, but the one in the middle had a pink weinee.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink weinee also reflects the cultural and sciological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the couple.

“Because I’m the guy who painted it,” he replied. “In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Kentucky coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.”

“I’d love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don’t really want to take advantage of her.” “Damn shame,” said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off. Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern patching up a building. He flew down.

“Hey Hal, I’m looking for a little action. You’re a swinging bachelor, who’s the best babe in comic land?” “Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in Comic land, why don’t you try her?” “Well, we’re sort of friends,” Superman said, “but I didn’t realize she had gotten around so much” and he flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart and up in the air. Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I’m here.”

So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone. Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed _expression. “What the hell was that??” she exclaimed. “I don’t know,” said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, “but my ass is killing me.”

“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in.

“Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good! I’ve made a specialty of babies.”

“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.” After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”

“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too … you can really spread out!”

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me!”

“Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”

“My, my, that’s a lot of . . . of . . !” gasped Mrs. Smith.

“Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure.”

“Don’t I know it,” Mrs. Smith muttered.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus.”

“Oh my god!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”

“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith faintly.

“Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.”

“Four and five deep?” asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

“Yes,” the photographer said, “and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling; I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.”

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “You mean they actually chewed on your um, equipment?”

“That’s right. Well, madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.”

“Tripod?!”

“Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she’s fainted.”