GotKegs.com » Disability Jokes

Female Compassion

admin — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:28:30 +0000

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”
The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said “Have you ever had a kiss?”
The man said “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third really beautiful woman came up to him and said “Have you ever been fucked?”
The fellow said “No.”
She said “You will be when the tide comes in.

Oral Sex Coma Treatment

admin — Thu, 29 May 2008 14:54:29 +0000

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, “Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.”

The husband was skeptical, but they assured that they’d close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room. After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined; no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses ran into the room. “What happened?” they cried. The husband said, “I guess she choked.”

Going Postal

admin — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:00:34 +0000

A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “have you been in the service?” “Yes,” he says. “I was in Vietnam for three years,” The interviewer says, “That will give you extra points toward employment” and then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says, “Yes 100%…a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.” The interviewer tells the guy, “O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M.”

The guy is puzzled and says, “If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?” “This is a government job” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls…no point in you coming in for that”

Pharmacology

admin — Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.