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Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching  on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, ‘Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.’
Little RALPHY replied, ‘My grandfather [...]

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.’
‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied the teacher. [...]

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!’
The teacher replied, ‘Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please [...]

Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’
RALPHY says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’
Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful.’
Little RALPHY says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.’

Little Ralphy returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
‘Why?’ asks the father?
‘The teacher asked, ‘How much is 2×3,” I said ‘6′, replies RALPHY.
‘But that’s right!’ says his dad.
‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?”
‘What’s the f…… difference?’ asks the father.
‘That’s what I said!’

A teacher asks her class, ‘If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?’
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, ‘None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.’
The teacher replies, ‘The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.’
Then little RALPHY says, [...]

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, “When you die and go to Heaven…which part of your body goes first?”
Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it’s your hands.”
“Why do you think it’s your hands, Suzy?”

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one –
“Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” she asked.
“Just a minute, I have to go piss,” was his answer.
The [...]