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Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching  on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, ‘Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.’ Little RALPHY replied, ‘My [...]

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.’ ‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied [...]

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, ‘Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!’ The teacher replied, ‘Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ [...]

Little Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’ RALPHY says, ‘Mas-tur-bate.’ Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful.’ Little RALPHY says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.’

Little Ralphy returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. ‘Why?’ asks the father? ‘The teacher asked, ‘How much is 2×3,” I said ’6′, replies RALPHY. ‘But that’s right!’ says his dad. ‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?” ‘What’s the f…… difference?’ asks the father. ‘That’s what I [...]

A teacher asks her class, ‘If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?’ She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, ‘None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.’ The teacher replies, ‘The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.’ [...]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a bass boat below. She shouted to him,  ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.’ The man consulted [...]

A Russian arrives in  New York City   as a new immigrant to the  United States He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ‘Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!’The passerby says, ‘You are mistaken, [...]

As a conference, we have a great many teams with varying personalities.  Some have their strengths, some have their weaknesses, and all of them have a bit of neurosis. That’s why the Big 12 Conference has asked all of its members to attend a group therapy session.Okay, they really didn’t, but if they did, I [...]