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28 Aug, 2008

Oklahoma Sooner Jokes

Posted by: admin In: General Jokes

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Ahh, it’s finally here… football season.  Here are a few jokes to kickoff the season!

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“What does a Oklahoma graduate and a tornado have in common?”
A. They both will end up in a trailer park.

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What do you call the sweat on two sooners having sex?
A. Relative Humidity.

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Why is it so difficult to solve a murder in Norman, OK?
A. All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.

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Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, policeman, salesman, etc… David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said David, “He coaches at the University of Oklahoma , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”

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Did you hear about the Oklahoma linebacker who stole a police car?
He saw “911″ on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

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What do they call a crime ring in Norman?
A. A huddle

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There are 4 ou players in a car. Who is driving?
A. The police

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Did you hear about the new honor system at ou?
Yes, your Honor. No, your Honor.

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OU has hired a new defensive coordinator.
Johnny Cochran starts on Monday.

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Two Sooner football players were hootin’, hollerin’ and yee hawin’ when the bartender asked them why
they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished
a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months.
“Two months!?” exclaimed the bartender. “To complete a simple puzzle?”
The Texan replied, “Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years.”

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A little boy and his mother were walking in a Norman cemetary when they came
upon a headstone that read “Here lies an Oklahoma graduate and an honest man.”
The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?”

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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a classy ou Fan and an old drunk are
walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a
hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
* The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

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A Sooner walks into a bar with a huge jar full of money sitting on the bar, he inguires to the bartender about the money. The bartender tells him he must complete 3 tasks to win the money.

1- knock the 7 ft 350 lb Shaquelle O’Neil look-alike out cold with 1 punch.
2-There is a pitbull out back on a log chain with a sore tooth, you must pull
that tooth.
3- There is a lesbian in the room upstairs who has never been sexually
satisfied by a man, you must satisfy her completely.

The Sooner says “no problem” walks to the end of the bar and knocks the 7 footer out cold with a single punch.

He then heads out the back door, where growling, barking, snarling, whining, then yelping is heard.

He stumbles back into the bar, clothes tattered and bleeding profusely and says, “OK now where’s that lesbian who needs her tooth pulled?

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OU head coach, Bob Stoops was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the coach if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’. So Stoops asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.’

‘No,’ said Stoops, ‘that would be an accident.’

A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.’

‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Stoops. ‘That’s what we would call great loss.’

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Stoops searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and the sooner football team was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’

‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Stoops. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’

‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be a fucking accident either.’

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What do an OU fan and a medium pizza have in common?
A. Neither can feed a family of four.

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So a new mortician was preparing his first body for burial when he noticed a cork sticking out of the man’s pooper. Thinking that was odd, he removed the cork and immediately boomer sooner began playing from the man’s butt. He quickly stuck the cork back in and ran upstairs to get his boss. As they walked downstairs, the new mortician ranted about how he had just seen and heard the craziest thing ever and that his boss would be amazed. When they got to the body, the young mortician removed the cork and again, boomer sooner began to play. He put the cork back in and asked his boss, “Isn’t that the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen?” His boss said, “No, I hear thousands of buttholes sing that song every fall.”

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33 Responses to "Oklahoma Sooner Jokes"

1 | Adam Partain

December 3rd, 2008 at 10:59 am

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An OU medical school student, an OU law student, and an Oklahoma State Engineering student are all taking a leak.
The OU med student finishes and then scrubs his hands and arms clean all the way to the elbow, saying “At OU med, we’re taught to be thorough.
The OU law student finishes, then quickly rinses his hands and dries them with 1 paper towel, saying “At OU Law, they taught us to be thorough.”
The OSU Engineering student finishes and starts to walk out, and the OU students yell “Hey, aren’t you going to wash your hands?”
He looks back at them and says “At OSU Engineering school, they taught us not to pee on them.”

2 | michael

September 28th, 2009 at 2:29 pm

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how do you get an ou grad off your front porch?

pay for the pizza!

3 | Ray

October 13th, 2009 at 11:40 am

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How do you keep a Sooner from masturbeting?
Paint his penis Texas burnt orange, then he can’t beat it

4 | admin

October 13th, 2009 at 11:42 am

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Keep ‘em coming! It’s Red River Shootout week!

5 | aaron

October 13th, 2009 at 9:08 pm

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ray-that was hilarious.
I want more of these!

6 | scotthastings

October 16th, 2009 at 10:48 pm

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why cant bob stoops eat cereal? because he chokes when he gets neer bowls!!

7 | GKennedy

October 17th, 2009 at 9:24 am

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You cant spell C cks cker with out OU

8 | Janothan

November 25th, 2009 at 8:27 am

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How many OU Freshman does it take to change a light balb none thats a Sophmore course

9 | levi

November 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am

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How come Bob Stoops eats Cereal on a plate because he lost the last five bowls.

10 | levi

November 25th, 2009 at 8:30 am

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How many freshman does it take to screw in a light bulb none thats a sophmore course

11 | Michele

November 28th, 2009 at 5:03 pm

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Have you heard the OU Sooners are now the OU Tampons? Yup, only good for one period and they don’t have a second string!

12 | Michele

November 28th, 2009 at 5:14 pm

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Why wasn’t Jesus born in Norman?
Because there aren’t any wisemen or virgins.

13 | Oklahoma Joe

March 1st, 2010 at 8:04 pm

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Fuck you all!!!!You’re all talking about Texas.You know it.I know it.The U.S. government knows it!Oklahoma’s great!None of live by the Bible, do you?I knew it!!!Live God’s will.That’s what I do!!!!You fucking douchebags.You’ll be in Hell.I’ll be in Heaven.I’ll tell God what you are down there for.He knows.I’ll tell him anyway.

14 | Amy Hensley

March 26th, 2010 at 2:44 pm

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Don’t get your panties in a twist lol it’s cool calm down, everybody knows that the only things that grow in that God forsaken state are meth labs and cold sores ;) HOOK EM HORNS!!!!

15 | OU SUCKS AND IM FROM OKLAHOMA

August 13th, 2010 at 2:44 pm

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Oklahoma Joe….You my friend are EXACTLY why Oklahoma has the reputation it does. Your response leads me to believe that you belong in a mental institution.
I am an Oklahoma resident and I wish that Norman would be wiped out by an F-5. OU SUCKS and forever will.

16 | wade williams

September 4th, 2010 at 11:27 pm

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Damn Oklahoma Joe, God must wipe his ass with your mouth. I knew you were a sooner just by your tact. hahahahahaha, That’s some serious aggretion you got there. You been shootin steroids with the rest of the team?

17 | Peggy Sue

September 15th, 2010 at 7:22 am

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Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops has decided to dress only 20 players for this weekends game…the other players will have to dress themselves.

18 | Shane

September 27th, 2010 at 3:24 pm

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Damn OkJoe! I didn’t know you would get so upset when I wouldn’t let you blow me. We have beautifull Texas women down here. Unlike the curly tailed oinkers you deal with there.

19 | suck meh

December 7th, 2010 at 10:10 am

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Ou is bad ass and will always kick the shit out of osu and texas is done for good now that colt mcoy is gone

20 | Chris

December 10th, 2010 at 11:38 pm

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What’s the hardest thing about being an OU fan? Having to tell your parents you’re gay

21 | Jason

March 23rd, 2011 at 11:39 pm

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Why doesn’t Texas slip off into the Gulf of Mexico. Because Oklahomo sucks!

22 | John

April 23rd, 2011 at 12:02 pm

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What is the difference between Bob Stoops and cheerios? Cheerios can get in a bowl!

23 | will

April 23rd, 2011 at 2:45 pm

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Why is Oklahoma so windy?
Because Texas sucks and Kansas blows!

24 | Annie

October 4th, 2011 at 2:16 pm

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Colt Mcoy sucks! OU sucks!

25 | Alex

October 8th, 2011 at 12:57 pm

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Why is Kansas so windy?

‘Cause OU Sucks and Nebraska Blows!

26 | Hank

November 30th, 2011 at 10:51 pm

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I wear an OSU shirt because I went to school there. You wear an OU shirt because you went to Wal-Mart.

GO POKES!!!

27 | Awesome

December 2nd, 2011 at 11:57 am

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How do you find a stupid person in a crowd?

Yell boomer

28 | Hook em

August 12th, 2012 at 10:42 am

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What do Oklahoma and Mars have in common?

Both made out of red dirt and no sign of intelligent life.

29 | Hook em

August 12th, 2012 at 10:43 am

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What’s the best thing to ever come out of Oklahoma?

I-35 South

30 | Hook em

August 12th, 2012 at 10:43 am

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Why do birds fly upside down over Oklahoma?

- There’s nothing worth shitting on. -

31 | Hook em

September 2nd, 2012 at 3:15 pm

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Us Texans might be alil inbreed and alil cocky but we better than all Oklahoma. And at the OSU fans it funny cause yall only been relevant for the last couple years.

32 | Meowford

November 24th, 2012 at 6:28 pm

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There wouldn’t be any texans if it weren’t for Oklahoma ranchers and Mexican whores

33 | Chris

October 22nd, 2013 at 9:15 pm

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OKJoe – spoken like a true Oklahoma christian. :)

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