Ahh, it’s finally here… football season. Here are a few jokes to kickoff the season!
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“What does a Oklahoma graduate and a tornado have in common?”
A. They both will end up in a trailer park.
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What do you call the sweat on two sooners having sex?
A. Relative Humidity.
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Why is it so difficult to solve a murder in Norman, OK?
A. All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records.
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Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, policeman, salesman, etc… David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said David, “He coaches at the University of Oklahoma , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
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Did you hear about the Oklahoma linebacker who stole a police car?
He saw “911″ on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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What do they call a crime ring in Norman?
A. A huddle
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There are 4 ou players in a car. Who is driving?
A. The police
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Did you hear about the new honor system at ou?
Yes, your Honor. No, your Honor.
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OU has hired a new defensive coordinator.
Johnny Cochran starts on Monday.
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Two Sooner football players were hootin’, hollerin’ and yee hawin’ when the bartender asked them why
they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished
a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months.
“Two months!?” exclaimed the bartender. “To complete a simple puzzle?”
The Texan replied, “Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years.”
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A little boy and his mother were walking in a Norman cemetary when they came
upon a headstone that read “Here lies an Oklahoma graduate and an honest man.”
The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?”
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a classy ou Fan and an old drunk are
walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a
hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
* The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
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A Sooner walks into a bar with a huge jar full of money sitting on the bar, he inguires to the bartender about the money. The bartender tells him he must complete 3 tasks to win the money.
1- knock the 7 ft 350 lb Shaquelle O’Neil look-alike out cold with 1 punch.
2-There is a pitbull out back on a log chain with a sore tooth, you must pull
that tooth.
3- There is a lesbian in the room upstairs who has never been sexually
satisfied by a man, you must satisfy her completely.
The Sooner says “no problem” walks to the end of the bar and knocks the 7 footer out cold with a single punch.
He then heads out the back door, where growling, barking, snarling, whining, then yelping is heard.
He stumbles back into the bar, clothes tattered and bleeding profusely and says, “OK now where’s that lesbian who needs her tooth pulled?
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OU head coach, Bob Stoops was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the coach if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy’. So Stoops asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.’
‘No,’ said Stoops, ‘that would be an accident.’
A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.’
‘I’m afraid not,’ explained Stoops. ‘That’s what we would call great loss.’
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Stoops searched the room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: ‘If the plane carrying you and the sooner football team was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’
‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Stoops. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’
‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be a fucking accident either.’
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What do an OU fan and a medium pizza have in common?
A. Neither can feed a family of four.
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So a new mortician was preparing his first body for burial when he noticed a cork sticking out of the man’s pooper. Thinking that was odd, he removed the cork and immediately boomer sooner began playing from the man’s butt. He quickly stuck the cork back in and ran upstairs to get his boss. As they walked downstairs, the new mortician ranted about how he had just seen and heard the craziest thing ever and that his boss would be amazed. When they got to the body, the young mortician removed the cork and again, boomer sooner began to play. He put the cork back in and asked his boss, “Isn’t that the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen?” His boss said, “No, I hear thousands of buttholes sing that song every fall.”
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